Is This Relationship Worth Saving?

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Beauty worth saving

Saving your relationship is always worth the effort — if you have a clear enough fix on exactly how to better your relationship.

A few days ago, a reader emailed asking me if I thought there is hope for her relationship. Could she repair the relationship with her boyfriend whom she hoped to marry? Sarita (not her real name) wrote the following, and my response follows: Continue reading →

In True Love We Trust and Give Space

claiming space

“Give him space!” Your friends and your intuition have been telling you to relax and chill out. So what can you do? Do you want to learn how to give space? Well, here’s the deal: falling in love is the easy part, but making a relationship work requires trust and understanding way beyond what you think when you start a new relationship.

Your new love; your first love; it is all so intoxicating. Love is all there is, right? So as things of value go, a genuine relationship tops your list of human desires. And when you desire something what do you do? You want to possess it.

But can you actually possess love? If you think you can, does that also mean Continue reading →

What I Know For Sure About Life

Life is… let me think a minute about my personal meaning of life… alright then, here’s a picture for you: life is a ball of tangled elastic bands with something really special buried deep inside. The lure is to find the hidden treasure.

Life is a mystery, full of enticing next steps to take.

Like those cereal boxes when I was a kid, with the baking soda powered toy SUBMARINE FREE INSIDE (you’d have to be a certain age to remember that one). Well, It was a hook and who could resist? Continue reading →

Lessons From Nature: A Hike in the Rain

The clouds were low; silver-grey with blushes of violet to the west, and an intense blue-grey to the east. It was 1994, and spring was about to bless us with some needed rain.

“The garden will love it,” Rosemarie said. I agreed, though not with the same hard-won conviction as my Wife’s, after all, it was Rosemarie who created our garden and it was she who mainly toiled in it.

We had a large garden (and still do) filled with plenty of delicious raspberries, gooseberries, currants of all sorts, and most of the vegetables we needed for the year ahead. For Rosemarie, the garden was her labor of love; her way of connecting to life at its purest, and to who she is at heart.
Continue reading →

Strength in Personal Relationships

Cottonwood trees against lake in winter

When I receive email regarding relationship problems, the dominant impression I get is that most people who write in are not just unsure of their situation, they are unsure of themselves. They long for a fulfilling relationship, but the person they desire does not return their feelings in the way they would like, etc., etc., and so they feel at a loss.

If a person is uncertain and does not feel their own strength, they will seek validation and strength from others. This is never good. In a relationship, that person will seek cues from their partner before they determine how they themselves feel. Their self-conception follows closely on the heels of that conclusion. The relationship then becomes more about selfish need, than about sharing and mutual motivation. The uncertain person becomes increasingly dependent on their partner for strength.

My best answer to most of these folks is: Continue reading →