Over the past while I have been feeling a bit down. My life seems to be on a cusp of change, but I feel that I am spinning my wheels. Do you know what I mean? Have you felt like that? Old patterns are, well, they are getting old.

New vistas are drawing beautiful and powerful images in my mind, but the stress of living in a redundant mental space is wearing on me. I can feel the change but I am caught by habit.

What to do? Well, whenever I am confronted with stasis — whenever I feel stuck in a lifeless rut — I go back to basics. And what can be more basic than nature? Nature has always been my bedrock; it has balance and moves gracefully with change. Nature can stimulate us likewise to regain our own balance, and to accept change with enthusiasm and grace.

And so we went on a trip into the wisdom of nature’s beauty and power.

Wells Gray Provincial Park

For four glorious days we achieved full-stop on the old-patterns throttle. Nothing existed but the eternal NOW.

Would we sit and relax by the powerful Clearwater River, entranced by its siren song, or would we hike up into the forest trails? No mixed messages, no ambiguity, nothing nebulous there — just clear choices with good outcomes guaranteed. Well, there are mosquitoes and bears, natural dangers and other possible disasters, but we accept that risk and take action accordingly.

We have been in the wilderness quite a bit. We’ve hiked in alpine meadows that are rated as prime Grizzly territory, and canoe-tripped in remote areas of British Columbia. We have learned to accept risk to gain the rewards of being in the wilds. We know how to behave if we encounter a bear when hiking, or dangerous water in the canoe. That knowledge frees us to discover and to enjoy ourselves.

And that is one of nature’s best lessons: life is a risky venture, and to venture forth, we need to take risks; some calculated, and some out of necessity, but always rewarding.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

… Anais Nin

This was just a fairly civilized camping trip though, not a dig-your-own-latrine-in-the-bush type camping trip. We tented in Falls Creek Campground, complete with fire pit, outhouses, and camp fees. Nature though, knows nothing of the amenities of the campground. The area is very wild and beautiful. Venture a bit from camp — hike up into the forest trails and routes — and you are in another world, light-years away from old patterns.

We know this area well. We have been coming to this part of the world for decades, and it holds precious memories for us. Some view points have become obstructed by the growth of the trees and new ones have presented themselves. A fresh bear’s den that we discovered 25 years ago is now collapsed into the lush undergrowth; no longer as mysterious and intimidating as it was. The land has shifted and the dead-fall that formed the framework of the den have decayed. The bears have abandoned the den as a viable hibernation abode.

Well it wasn’t a lucky home for the first bear that hibernated there. Winter buried the den in ten feet of snow, but hungry wolves sniffed him out, dug him out, and ate him. Nature can be ruthless, depending on your position at the time.

And perhaps that’s another important lesson that nature can teach us: everything changes, and we are not the center of the universe. Life goes on around us. No matter how we organize and plan, the unplanned-for can happen. Better to live fully and NOW rather than in past memories or an imagined future.

“Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing. Yet the timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness, and knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream.”

… Kahlil Gibran

Nature Never Fails

So there I am standing on trembling ground in front of Bailey’s Chute, an awesome piece of powerful water on the Clearwater River, and I am thinking of my life. What should I do? How will I proceed from here? And the river provides the answer: do what is in your nature and move around, through, or over, any obstacle in your path.

A powerful river is on an eternal course. Its nature is to move relentlessly forward. And the lesson from nature is to do similarly. Water is a good analogy for our focus and direction in life. It is the softest of substances, but it can wear away the hardest of obstacles. If we are listening then, nature is telling us that the softest part of our nature is indeed the strongest. When we apply our sensitive natures over time, we will move around, through, or over, any obstacle — just like a powerful river.

“The softest thing in the world can override the hardest. Such a thing seems to issue forth from nowhere, yet it penetrates everywhere. It does not contend but it surely wins.”

… Lao Tse

As I think back on those few beautiful days in nature, I am reminded of the following lessons:

• Be in the NOW, always
• Be aware of yourself and your circumstances
• Simplify your life each and every day
• Be willing to accept risks that you understand
• Life is change–go with it
• Take action that is consistent with your nature
• Be persistent, keep moving forward, and you will reach the ocean of your dreams

Perhaps they can serve you also. And to reinforce them, I encourage you to take your own trip into whatever nature is around you. Truly, nature will never let you down. it will always present the lessons you need to learn the most.

I also want to share with you some photos of those few days, including two or three of me relaxing into it all. Here then is a link to those photos on my FaceBook page for Zen-Moments: Wells Gray Park Trip June 2010

I hope you enjoy the photos, share your thoughts in the comments, and do sign up to the FaceBook page if you’d like.

Over to you now!

Does sexual desire interfere with your ability to love someone unconditionally?

For some reason, the majority of emails I receive are about relationship issues, and the concept of unconditional love. It seems that many people have difficulty loving unconditionally within a sexual relationship. Several readers have recently asked for my thoughts on reconciling the two.

Because of this confluence of concern arriving in my Inbox, I’ve decided to post one of my responses here. Perhaps it can serve as food for thought to others who question the compatibility of unconditional love with sexual relations. So here is an extract from a recent letter, and my response:

This letter (in brief) comes from Brad in New Hampshire.

“Dear John,

Since I was a teenager (I am 24 now) I have noticed that every time I really “fell in love” with a person, it was not sexual attraction; I felt pride and happiness for that person, and her achievements – often entirely ignoring her physical characteristics. I felt most of the things you described as unconditional and true love.

Instead when I just “dated” someone, I needed assurance that she was “mine”, felt jealous if she spoke to other men, and worried about loosing her. Or that if I lost her “she’s not the right one”.

Since about one year I’ve tried to love unconditionally (my approach arose from Christian narrative, altruism and similar values), but simultaneously pursued the idea of actually being together, being “partnered” with the person I love unconditionally.

Unfortunately, I never experienced such a relationship, mainly because every time I loved someone unconditionally, our friendship became so strong that social norms commanded us to “stay in the friend-zone”, as they make a strict distinction between friendship and love (Something I do not really agree with, but almost everyone does).

Do you think that in order to love unconditionally AND have a relationship of the kind I am talking about, it is still important to NOT ignore sexuality (i.e. follow the social norms on sexual relations in order to become a couple and not “just friends”)? And do you have any general thoughts about the “friend-zone” problem, and how it relates to unconditional love?”

Dear Brad,

You are drawing too many lines in the sand. I think you believe that unconditional love is exclusive to non-sexual relationships. You say that you feel this from society, but I feel it coming from within you.

Your sexual feelings engage powerful and primitive parts of your brain. While you are feeling these raw drives coursing through your mind and body, you are also perhaps trying to be cool, or spiritual, or correct in some way. And that is natural. As a man though, your primal sexual nature just wants total immersion with the body and spirit of a woman; the merging of flesh on flesh, the indescribable fullness, and the climax–that infinite moment of white light and absolute dissolve.

But because you have that disconnect between your higher aspirations and your sexual drive, you lose your spiritual sense when you engage in sex. That causes you to feel at odds with yourself; selfishly satisfied and guilty as a result.

On the surface, your sexuality doesn’t care about your desire to be spiritual or unconditional. it craves only simple satisfaction, and it naturally wants to possess it. Women are no different by the way. It may be a surprise to some men, but women engage the same primal forces. Their sexual drives also conflict with their perceived-to-be-higher self conceptions. So how do you cope with the inner conflict?

You can begin by considering that there is no conflict at all. Sex is a powerful and blinding drive, but it is not just a primitive drive to selfish and possessive satisfaction. Your sexual impulse can grow with you into a beautiful–and unconditional–physical, emotional, energetic, and spiritual union. All of the differences, the power struggles, and the guilt, are dissolved.

Our sexual nature mirrors the union that is expressed in the higher spiritual aspects of life. It is our base experience of nirvana; the complete meltdown of boundaries and separations. And we can transform our sexual nature’s irresistible power into that higher expression, but we must begin by joyously accepting our basic drives.

This sexual alchemy takes time and energy to accomplish, but it is entirely doable. On one end of the scale, sex is a physical and emotional union with your partner, and at the higher end it is creative union with your inner and outer universe. So lighten up on yourself and accept your sexual desires as good and natural. Work with it. See where you can take it.

Unconditional love is all about erasing the lines in the sand; the separation between you and I, your judgments and your fears. Sexual relations can move you in the same direction.

Not only is it OK to sexually desire a woman whom you also feel unconditional love for, but the two drives are in perfect alignment. It is all a matter of choice and character. It seems that you have the character. You just need to make the choice–without attaching to the outcome–and work through your feelings, fears, and insecurities.

It is also important to remember that there is no possession when it comes to relationships. Everyone you meet is simply a different aspect of yourself, and naturally you want the best for them, because in a real sense they are you, and you are them. We are all one. So merge with the one you love. Don’t compete with them or try to possess them.

Make good choices, and remain in integrity. It will then all come together Brad.

Over to you Now!

This morning I woke up wondering about good and evil. I wondered if goodness exists apart from human perception and religious concepts. I wondered the same about evil. Does evil dwell somewhere in the universe, independent of our judgment and imagination?

We use the words good and evil in pairs. Are we implying that one cannot exist without the other? If so, are we saying that the yin/yang of human perception is an absolute truth; that there is no ultimate goodness or ultimate evil; just an eternal tug-o-war?

Or, is the dualism of yin and yang the genuine original sin that bars our entrance to paradise? A necessary passage perhaps? If we did not see life in pairs of opposites, in terms of duality, what would we see? What would life be like?

I ask this because, if either good or evil does not exist outside of human perception, then reality could be one or the other–good or evil. Or maybe neither?

Is the universe good, evil, or indifferent

Does the universe even care about these concepts? Likely not depending on your definition of the universe. So does that mean that neither good nor evil exists? Is the universe neutral providing only raw material to be used in whatever fashion happens, or is chosen, without preference or support for good or bad outcomes?

All of this is of course subjective. Good, evil, and the universe, are terms that we each have our own definitions for, and they are always in flux. As I think about these things I often prefer to let the definitions evolve as I explore. That is what I was doing this morning. I was just roaming in thought without being overly precise, and I guess that is how I am expressing this now.

My fearful perspective on evil has always been: yes, evil exists as a separate entity. Evil is a force of nature. But when I observe nature and existence closely and without fear, I see only a workable design that encourages the entire cosmos and all of life to step into a creative and orderly flow. I see no evil intent in nature. No universal force is persuading the trees to do something that would place them out of the productive loop. Everything in nature moves us towards effective living. So life is certainly not evil, and it does not appear to be indifferent either.

Look carefully and you will see that nature is not at all neutral in its actions and processes. The universe clearly has a powerful creative bias. Even the destructive forces of nature are powerfully creative. The natural world, of which we are a part, is a master at encouraging life to work in synergy. This is far from indifferent.

Life is good

That clarifies what evil actually is then doesn’t it? If we are out of step with natural law, we forgo the creative support of the universe where all things good are powerfully possible. Evil then, is our perverted perception of this alienation from the natural order. Our sense of evil is also tied to our feeling of guilt over all the degenerating self-gratifications we have indulged in as compensation for the lack of synergy, true power, and genuine satisfaction.

Evil is a force we generate within ourselves as a crude attempt to gain power at the expense of everything around us. But it doesn’t seem to exist outside of our human intent and actions. Goodness on the other hand does.

It seems to me that goodness can be defined as: a force that supports creative growth and synergy between all things in existence. If you accept that this is a fair definition, then we can all rest in the knowledge that goodness is an essential force of the universe, and by extension, goodness is an essential aspect of humanity.

Now, I know that these thoughts are limited and simplistic. We could bounce intellectual arguments back and forth forever, but I have zero interest in that. These are just some thoughts that I woke up with today and I wanted to share them with you, however incomplete they may be.

These morning musings of mine were brought to completion by the sound of birds outside the bedroom window. It is spring and they are building new nests, forging relationships, claiming space, working and playing–just like us. It is all good.

Over to you now!

Today is a soft and sunshiny day and I want to share it with you. It isn’t officially spring yet where I live, but through the window today, the sky is blue and winter’s colors are gradually moving out of phase.

Green shoots and flowers-to-be are pushing through the brown of winter, the birds are creating homes, and the sun is caressing my heart–reminding me of all things possible, bright, and beautiful.

Winter is gray where I live. And I feel winter’s grayness because it reflects the low clouds that swirl within me; the socked-in system of unreconciled emotion.

But the sun is shining now. I feel its warmth. I see its clear light. There is nothing more beautiful than the warm rays of sunshine in the winter of your heart.

Do you feel it also?

Detail of painting by John Rocheleau

Satisfaction is our primary objective in life. Everything we do, we do to satisfy ourselves in one form or another.

This self-gratification reflex of ours is far from self-fulfilling though. Everyday, we make choices to satisfy our desires, and what we choose while under the influence of this intoxicating human imperative, is often unwise.

Short-sighted satisfaction carries a steep price tag, and willing or not, the debt is always collected. Our drive to satisfy ourselves can then seriously damage us.

Satisfying desire is a tricky business. If for example, we choose to satisfy ourselves by drinking excessively or taking drugs to make ourselves feel better, we wind up feeling far worse. Sure, in the immediate sense we’re satisfied with the buzz and heightened awareness. The benefit quickly wears thin though, and we are left weakened, with a dependency on a thing that in the end will destroy us. What begins as our best friend soon becomes our worst enemy.

And it isn’t just alcohol and drugs. Addiction can take many forms. We can become addicted to the gratification we get from food, sex, relationships, religion, mindless entertainment, gadgets and toys, self-help workshops, gurus, priests and pastors, mentors and friends. They can all become ways to avoid taking productive action, and avoidance is highly addictive.

Or consider the person who lives in fear because somewhere in the past they were victimized. In their fear they will either hide from life, or fight life and everyone that comes near them. Caution will embrace their heart, causing them to satisfy only their fear.

But our drive for satisfaction is not to blame; we just misdirect it. Sometimes we seek fulfillment in all the wrong places.

“There are moods in which we court suffering in the hopes that here at least, we shall find reality, sharp peaks and edges of truth.”

…Ralph Waldo Emerson

Perhaps all we need is a little self-understanding. Is it that difficult to understand why we make the choices that we do? Maybe facing the truth is more difficult than understanding it.

A good place to begin is to realize that no one is an essentially bad person. The sinner and the saint are both searching for satisfaction. They just don’t see the same choices or the same correlation between cause and effect.

When we understand why we are motivated to make the choices that we do, we might learn to choose differently. We could then take greater control of our lives and create true satisfaction and fulfilment.

Instant Gratification

We buy into the promise of instant satisfaction because we feel a void within us, and we want to fill it. In reality, this void is just the gap between where we are and where our spirits want us to be. Instead of bridging the gap with positive actions that will take us there, we stuff it with one or all of the following:

• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Overeating
• Sexual addiction
• Constant busyness
• False friendships
• Money and work obsessions
• New romantic relationships
• Religious self-righteousness
• Over-reliance on gurus and workshops
• Inappropriate humor
• Habitually retreating into the comfort of the known
• Tuning out by tuning in to constant TV or Internet

We silently hope that in filling the gaps like this, we will satisfy ourselves without having to leave the security and comfort of what we are accustomed to. It seems that stretching ourselves across these voids in our life is a scary prospect. Somehow, we convince ourselves that satisfaction now is good enough.

True Satisfaction

Would we be so willing to indulge ourselves in these ways if we could see the price that we will pay for our satisfactions?

If we could view our life from a future perspective, would we be truly satisfied, knowing that we have not progressed because we were too afraid or too lazy to take certain actions? Would we feel that whatever satisfaction we gained from all of our avoidance and indulgences was worth the cost?

This isn’t a perfect world. You can choose to screw it up in any way you want. But it can be a remarkable world.

If instead of filling the voids in your life, your emotions, and your relationships, with avoidance strategies and instant gratification, you chose to bridge those voids with constructive thought and positive action, is there anything you could not accomplish?

Imagine what your life would look like if from this moment on you chose satisfy yourself with creative thought and actions.

Over to you now!