“Give him space!” Your friends and your intuition have been telling you to relax and chill out. So what can you do? Do you want to learn how to give space? Well, here’s the deal: falling in love is the easy part, but making a relationship work requires trust and understanding way beyond what you think when you start a new relationship.
Your new love; your first love; it is all so intoxicating. Love is all there is, right? So as things of value go, a genuine relationship tops your list of human desires. And when you desire something what do you do? You want to possess it.
But can you actually possess love? If you think you can, does that also mean that you own your lover in the same way as you hold tight to the love you feel? Just think about that for a moment. Each day thousands of relationships die a painful and largely pointless death, because couples mistake their needs and insecurities for genuine love.
What is true love?
Well for starters here are some things love is not. Genuine love has nothing whatever to do with your selfishness, jealously, and possessiveness. You cannot capture love, and you cannot hold the love of your life — your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend — a prisoner of your insecurities. Nor can you rewind and freeze-frame your relationship at some idyllic point in the past or in your imagination. True love is beauty. Not external beauty, but the beauty you will experience when you allow your love — and your lover — to grow and expand. Love is nurtured by giving space.
Every romance must deepen or die. You either support and encourage one another’s growth as individuals, or you restrict and confine one another until there is no life left in your relationship. You get to choose. Learn to trust enough to give mental and physical space to your partner, and you will have a confident and happy relationship.
True love then is unselfish and unconditional. Your love celebrates your lover’s independent growth without the need for you to possess or control. You are confident and happy when your partner discovers new personal power and direction. That is true love. For more thoughts on what constitutes real love, read my article on how to tell if your relationship is true love.
Create trust | give space
If you are wondering why you should trust your lover and give him space (or her), you might ask yourself why you are in a relationship in the first place. If you are in it mainly to possess comfort, sex, money, security, social or even self-acceptance, then love is not on your agenda. You can safely forget about it and continue on your mutual path of self gratification, possession, and power struggles.
But if you are open to finding true unconditional love, then the road passes right through the heart of your selfishness, your jealousy, and your possessiveness — and it emerges on the opposite side. You must navigate these base emotions before you can move your relationship onto higher ground.
Is it difficult? Well, yes it is, but…
If you really care about the person you call your lover — your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend — you will want them to achieve their absolute best potential, and you will want to give them the space required to make that happen. You both need space to grow as much as you need air to breathe. Neither of you benefits if you smother one another. Trust, and space, are powerful ways to save a dying relationship that has spiralled out of control from being too much in control. So relax, breathe, and trust your partner enough to give him (her) some time and space; some room to grow.
These everyday spaces can be for quiet contemplation, to enjoy a friend’s company, or perhaps to explore personal directions. This space is the creative vortex where you as a couple explore life and create through your differences. Growth cannot exist without space.
Your mutual trust creates the space you embrace within; entwined but separate beings, loving and living within the small but vital distances between you.
How to give space?
You can give him space on many levels. It can be as obvious as physical space, or time space, and it can be as subtle as psychic and emotional space. It all boils down to trust and unconditional love. We all need this type of love, trust, and support to achieve our best.
Just ask yourself: In an ideal world, what freedoms and support would I want from a genuine true love relationship? Now, just claim and extend that freedom and support in your current relationship, to see where it might lead. Let go a bit; test the waters of trust; support your lover’s sense of freedom and enthusiasm as much as your own. Do this, and you will see your relationship heal as you both grow into more complete individuals.
Don’t compete with your partner or try to possess them. Instead, celebrate your individual strengths. Support and encourage the best within each of you.
However you choose to give your partner space, or in what form you ask your partner for this trust and freedom, know that the space you give or receive is directly proportional to your growth as a couple.
The less you try to possess your lover, the more true love you will experience. Give space and be free!
Over to you now…